Yesterday, I took my pooch to the vet. He was having a hard time breathing. Such a wonderful dog. All he wanted in life was to eat cucumbers and to be with his pack family every moment possible. The vet took an xray and discovered that he had cancer. It was malignant and was aggressively taking over his lungs. We had to put him to sleep because nothing could be done. Whoa, didn't see that one coming. I was so sad. And sad for my kids. They loved him and he was a perfect fit for our family. We adopted him three years ago and he has been such a joy for us.
Left the vet after we all said our goodbyes and thought that I could find some joy in making a new dish. I've been wanting to try out a raw apple pie, so this seemed like a good time to do so. On Christmas day, one of the few cooked items I had was a slice of baked apple pie after dinner. It's a family favorite, so I joined in. That thing hit my system like a ton of bricks! It was as though I had a glass of liquor or something. I went straight to sleep. Heavy hitter for the blood sugar! DO NOT LIKE that reaction! But in a way, I'm glad it happened. I don't want cooked sweets any more. I don't like what they do to me. Anyway, the raw apple pie was amazing. I made it yesterday and was able to taste a bit of the leftover filling. Yummo. Then I let it sit overnight in the fridge to give the apples a bit of a chance to soften. So today, apple pie has been both breakfast and snack. Yay! I love it! And if I'm going to drown my sorrows in food, it might as well be raw.
The whole event with the loss of my dog has given me some perspective about interacting with others as well. When I went to the Wh. Foods to pick up apples and cinnamon, I started chatting with the cashier and asked if she had a good Christmas. She hesitated in her response and I said, "hey, it's taking too long for you to answer. Sounds like it wasn't so good?" She replied with a soft, "yeah, not so good." So I told her that mine was nice but that I that I had just lost my dog only moments earlier. You could see her heart soften and she opened up about a loss in her family as well. Her cousin, only 22 years old, died in the shower just a couple days before Christmas. (Oh my goodness) She was a young mom and had a 4 yr old son. It was just the two of them. Fortunately, she had taught him how to use the phone and he called his grandmom to ask why Mommy wasn't coming out of the bathroom. Wow. My heart sank when I heard her share. I tried to offer some words of comfort and she expressed sorrow about my loss as well. Even as I write this, it makes me tear up.
Driving home, there was someone in front of me who pulled out into the intersection a bit too early to make a left turn and the driver ended up cutting off oncoming vehicles who were trying to go straight. People blew their horns and expressed their irritation. I thought, hey, you never know what that person is going through. Maybe they just lost their job just before the holidays, maybe they are missing a loved one... it could be anything. The whole experience makes me want to express kindness more often - intentionally. We all have our hurts and disappointments. I don't know if our family will look into replacing our dog with another. None could, of course, take his place.
It's funny. When we got the dog, I thought it would be a good experience for our kids. I knew that taking care of him and even eventually losing him would make for good life lessons. While I didn't think we'd have to say good-bye so soon, having him in our life has definitely done that. But it's provided life lessons for me as well, perhaps I'm the one who's learned the most. I tell ya, sometimes I don't know if I'm raising my kids or if God is just continuing to raise me. I guess it's a bit of both.